been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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