You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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