i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
being pregnant is like rehab
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
BRING THE BAGELS
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
