My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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