I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
