I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
