I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i've created a new STD.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
