yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
