I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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