I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
