smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
