I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
