In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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