Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
