Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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