Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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