remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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