Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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