just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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