I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
