you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
