The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
