My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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