her vagine was all disorganized.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
