We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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