when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
