he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
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who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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