2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
