dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
