i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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