First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
