I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
smell my finger.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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