the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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