We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
