I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
