And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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