so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
