That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
