Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
