Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
