it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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