Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
