I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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