Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
