I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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