if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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