I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
