hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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