WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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