You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize
