no, he came in my armpit
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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