your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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