Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
