is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I am midnight drunk by noon
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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