I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
