Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
