He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
