so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
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Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
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I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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