Redeem this text for a blowjob
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Did you pee in the oven last night??
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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