my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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