hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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