Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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