I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
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There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
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I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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