Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
