Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
well, you know. whores of a feather.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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